I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
