i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
