Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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