last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
