Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
