Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
