your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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