bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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