i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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