Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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