too bad you live with your parents still
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
