I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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