i already hear my dad disowning me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
