Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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