Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
