6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
