I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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