Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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