ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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