I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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