he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
