Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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