Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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