so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
They have beer where we have blood.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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