Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
