Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
