i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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