I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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