He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
