that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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