I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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