I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the day after is always just damage control
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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