Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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