just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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