he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
