Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize