lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
