you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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