The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sober January is a disaster.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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