So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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