A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
