The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
