obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
