I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
whose parrot is this?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
