I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
