I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i drank out of a bidet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
