totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
