Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
