That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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