Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
