It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
