I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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