is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
