the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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