wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize