hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Will exercising make me less horny?
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