Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
