I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
barbara walters just said penis...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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