He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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