I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
