her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
