Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
