i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just puked most of my soul out..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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