Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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