So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
