Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
