she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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