i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i came on her dog
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
