no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
