it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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