summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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