what day is it and did you see me today?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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