Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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