I have demons in me.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
