Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
