I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
this will be a night to untag.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
