What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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