If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize